THIS is the Key to Your Success

Intro: 0:01
You're listening to the flip houses like a girl podcast where we educate, empower and celebrate everyday women who are facing their fears, juggling family and business, embracing their awesomeness and wholeheartedly chasing their dream of flipping houses. Each episode delivers honest to goodness tools, tips and strategies you can implement today to get closer to your first or next successful house flip. Here's your spiky hair to breakfast, taco loving host house flipping coach, Debbie DeBerry.

Debbie DeBerry: 0:38
Hey, what's going on today? I hope that whatever you're up to, you're having an easy one. All right. I hope it's an easy day. I hope it's mine. I hope it's light. So I want to talk about a couple of updates. So what's going on in my world? First of all, I'm not sick anymore, so that's nice. I don't sound weird. Maybe I do sound weird. Maybe I always sound weird.

Debbie DeBerry: 1:04
I don't know. I don't sound as weird as I sounded when I was sick. So that's a plus. Another thing is we are three weeks into our follow that flip series. Are you following it? Are you following along? Man, we've made so much progress. We have hopefully about two weeks left of remodel work and then my incredibly talented stager and friend comes and works his magic on the space and then we get to list it to sell. So all of that is really exciting. If you aren't following along yet, go to follow that flip .com and register because I'm not only sharing trainings and video walkthroughs, I am also sharing some tools to help you succeed in your house flipping business. All right , so follow that flip.com and register if you haven't already. Thirdly I want to do a quick shout out the reviews you guys are leaving are just awesome. Thank you so much. Honestly, I'm humbled. I'm grateful. I'm just, I'm just in awe of you, so thank you very much for letting me know that what I'm doing matters. I appreciate it. All right . Uh , so this is a shout out to Mara Boyd . She says, just listen already. Thank you. I'm obsessed with your podcast and with getting into this house flipping career. I just started a construction tech program as I'm trying to break into a new career track in trades in my late thirties I've been obsessed with watching estate and design for fine and your podcast is exactly the motivational kick in the butt. I needed to start getting serious every time I go to listen to the next episode you are answering the questions I was just asking myself or using to talk myself out of trying to do this for real. How do you do that? You keep all the information super accessible so anyone can understand it. Breaking it down into common sense and simple steps. Thank you. Wow. Mira, thank you so much for sharing that awesome feedback. I appreciate it and honestly, like I've said before, it really does help me reach more people and obviously we are trying to empower people. We are trying to inspire and empower women to go after their dreams. All right, so thank you very much, Mara. Okay. So another thing I want to talk about is this amazing, this incredibly moving experience I had last week at an event called together live. Okay. It's the fourth year of this together live tour and it's a group of women that are so real and so vulnerable and raw and they're just freaking magical. I mean, the entire experience was magical. I mean, honestly, that's the, that is the word that I can use. So I laughed a lot cause that's what I do. Pretty much laugh at everything. Mostly myself. I cried, I want to say a little bit . It wasn't a little, I cried more than a little, but again, I cry at pretty much everything. Man. Put a dog on a commercial though . Subaru commercials. No , they kill me every single time. Oh my gosh. Enough with the dogs on the Subaru commercials. I can't, but really , uh , I laughed, I cried and I felt more connected to the women around me at that event and to the women that I'm walking this house flipping journey with. And to you. I just felt more connected to everything and for an event to be able to leave somebody feeling that way. That's pretty magical. So if it comes to your area, I highly recommend going. Now, one of the things that really struck me was something that Abby Wambach said. So if you don't know who Abby Wambach is, she is a retired professional women's soccer player. She happens to have the most number of goals scored by a professional soccer player, whether it's a man or a woman. She holds the record and she said something that was just it. It just struck me. I haven't been able to put into words adequately why I choose to focus my energy on teaching and empowering other women and why that's important. And yes, it is a thing that is different being a woman in this industry, whether that rattles you, whether that makes you roll your eyes, it's the truth. And she said basically, I'm not going to know verbatim because I just have, I don't have a great memory, but I do know the gist of it. Basically, we as women, you know, we're , we historically compete against each other and it's, it comes more easily to us to compete against each other and hold each other back and see each other as competition and push each other away. Because as a group, women are fighting for two seats at a table of ten two seats at a table of 10. I get it now. Right. I get it. That's why it has historically been hard for us to support each other because there aren't enough seats at the damn table. So instead of lifting each other up and encouraging each other and empowering each other, we have to have our guards up. We have to beat you to that seat at any cost because we have to put food on the table. If we don't have that seat, we're not putting food on the table. Right. So I get it. Her putting it in that way made me have a different understanding of why it's important for women to women and why on the flip side, it's hard for us to do that. We need to fight for more seats at the table, period. Alright . So please do go to together live.com and check out their schedule and if you can make it, please do. Oh my God, it was just, Oh, it was just so good. Okay. In addition to that big aha moment, that event also inspired this episode. So they started out by asking each person who was on the panel and there were seven women in total. So each person answered this question, what story did you have to drop to get to where you are today? What story are you telling yourself that's preventing you from getting to where you want to be? I don't care if that's flipping houses or whatever.

Debbie DeBerry: 10:18
And yeah, if you notice, this isn't going to be a technical how to flip houses episode, because guess what? The stuff that we're going to talk about is a thousand times more important, and I know some of you are going to be like, Oh, this is so dumb. Guess what? If you haven't tried mindset stuff, if you haven't thought about this stuff that we're going to talk about and you still aren't where you want to be, you may want to give it a shot. Okay, so again, the question was what story did you have to drop to get to where you are today? Man, and this is something that I've thought about a lot because frankly, I've done a ton of work on my stories and what's holding me back and my beliefs and my limiting beliefs and all of that. I mean, that's part of the process of becoming me, and that's part of the process of becoming you and who you are meant to be without all of your stories. All right , so over the past 15 years, I've done a ton of work. I will share with you my stories , but I had to drop and saying that they've dropped completely. That's a lie. It's not necessarily that we've, we've dropped these stories and it isn't necessarily that we will drop the stories. What it is instead is that we have to acknowledge them as stories. We have to acknowledge them as BS. Frankly, and then move on, change the script, change the story. I can just as easily say I am 100% made for success. I can just as easily say that as I can say I'm not worthy of success. Do you get that? You can just as easily say the positive iteration of it. Okay, so growing up little Debbie moved around quite a bit. No, we weren't military. We just moved around quite a bit and which meant me being in eight different schools by the time I was in high school in four different States and probably seven different cities. So we moved around a lot and what that forced little Debbie to do was become a chameleon. Right? Like as a kid, the last thing you want to do is stand out as a kid. It's not cool to be different. At least not in the 80s it wasn't as a kid, you just want to blend in. You don't want to stand out for anything because you don't want to draw attention to yourself. Well because I moved around so much, my goal, really, my goal as a kid was to be liked and to be accepted as quickly as possible. And that didn't always work out the way I wanted it to. In fact, in middle school I was bullied so much so that my parents pulled me out and put me in a different school. That was sixth grade and I was bullied for just for being me. And at the time I was shy and I really kept to myself because I had moved so much. At that point I just did not want to stand out. I just wanted to belong. But for whatever reason, Janet decided that she needed my lunch money every day. I know that sounds super cliche, but that's what she wanted. She, I had to give her my lunch money every day. And yeah, I did have too , because guess what? If I did it, she would literally punch me. The girl fought me like, what is wrong with you? Uh , so that was the breaking point. Obviously at that point, my parents pulled me out of the school. Of course that just instilled in me even more to blend in, to be liked at all costs, not to be me. So basically I have this thing of being a people pleaser because I want to be liked and I want to be accepted, which is funny because on the other hand, I am definitely a rebel and I definitely pushed boundaries and I definitely embrace what makes me weird and what makes me me. So it's confusing, right? That's confusing to me. But what? That's more evidence that we never really shake our stories , not that we overcome it or that we drop it really we just accept it and acknowledge it and then choose to live out a different story. Choose to own a different story, a different belief until it pops up again. For example, every time I put out a podcast episode, every time I put out a video, every time I post something as my business, I feel like I am completely exposed and I'm just waiting for someone to say something awful because there are so many internet trolls and they do say mean things even though they don't know anything about you. Right. The anonymity of the internet has read it a whole new level of bullying that is just disgusting. Anyway, every time I put myself out there, I'm so nervous about how people are going to respond, but I have to do it. I have to put myself out there in order to have the impact I want.

Debbie DeBerry: 17:28
In order to live my purpose, as hokey as that sounds, in order to pay forward all the love and encouragement and empowerment my mom gave me until the day she died. I have to put myself out there. So ideal , it gets a little bit easier each time, so that's a plus. But that said, it's still hard and it's still scary, but you have to embrace your fear and do the big scary thing anyway. How many times have I said that if you're in my coaching and mentoring tribe, you've heard it quite a bit. And I don't just talk the talk. I actually walk the talk. All right? So that is a big one for me. And I know that that's a big one for a lot of you. The need to be liked, the need to be accepted, the need to people please in order to be liked and be accepted. So what we do is we don't make the call to the seller, right? Because we fear rejection. We don't put an offer in on that house that's been on the MLS for 180 days because we fear rejection. So we stay where we are. We stay right where we are because it's more comfortable to do that than to risk being rejected and to risk having our story thrown in our face . You're not liked because that's what, how we interpret a rejected offer or a seller saying, no, I don't want to sell to you. Oh, they must not like me now . They still want to sell the house to you. Okay? So that's how that story can play out. The way I get around that is just like I said, it's not about you when you're making these calls to the seller or the property owner, if they're not a seller yet, or a lender or a wholesaler or a realtor or fill in the blank. First of all, I get very intentional about the call I'm about to make and how I want the other person to feel in the intention of the call. So I want the seller to know that I am 100% trying to solve his or her problems in a way that makes sense to me as well. It's not about me, it's about that property owner. When I take that angle, it's not about me, for example, with the podcast episodes or the videos or however I'm putting myself out there, it's not about me. It's about you. It's about instilling in one more woman that if she wants to flip houses for a living or she wants to flip a house every now and then, she absolutely 100% can do so she can do it. And even bigger than that is paying forward all of the love and encouragement my mom gave me. It's not about me. It is about my family and it's about you and it's about your family. It's about those kids watching when we come from a place of serving others first may , and I guarantee you that energy shifts and it's a completely different way of being. It's a completely different way of showing up and it feels so much better. All right, so try that on if that's something you're struggling with, if you're not getting into action because you're terrified of rejection because you need to be liked or whatever reason, make it about something other than you, something that means something to you. Find your why. All right. Another story that I've had to work on a whole lot over the years is you have to be the best in order to be loved. So that's kind of the feeling that I got from my dad growing up that I got the most attention from him when I was making perfect grades and I was the best soccer player, baseball player, softball player, fill in the blank player. That's when I got the most love. That's when I felt the most love from him. My dad's awesome and that may not be true, right. That I had to be the best in order to get love . That's how little Debbie DeBerry felt. She felt like she got the most attention and praise from her dad when she was number one at whatever it was. I had to drop that a long time ago. I worked a whole lot on that in my early twenties one thing that forced me to do that was after I graduated from college, I was no longer on a team. I had been on a team for the last, what, 16 the previous 1617 years of my life. I had been part of a team, whatever sport it was, and then I graduated from college. All of a sudden I'm not part of a team and talk about an identity crisis for a solid, I don't know, couple of years. It was a very rude awakening for me, so there was no longer away for me to be number one on the field as I did a ton of work around all of that, thankfully, because what happens is you carry that with you and that's perfectionism, right? If I don't do it perfectly, I won't be loved. If I can't do it perfectly, I shouldn't do it at all.

Debbie DeBerry: 24:33
man, that had a huge impact on me in my early twenties well all the way through my early twenties because I needed it to be a sure bet. So I would try something new if I had a pretty strong feeling that I was going to be good at it, but if I wasn't, nah, that's dumb. I don't want to do that. Right. What I know, if you struggle with perfectionism, what you really need to know and hopefully embrace and totally own is: done is better than perfect. Done is a thousand times better than perfect because guess what? Perfect will never get done. I don't want to publish my website because it's just not perfect. Who cares? Put it out there. Publish it as I have your contact information. Does it build credibility and show that you're an actual human who wants to buy somebody's house? Great. Publish it. Oh my Facebook business page. I don't have the logo yet. I don't care. Publish it. Make it go live. Nobody cares about that. Nobody cares about it like you do. And you could be making excuses because you want everything to be perfect. You don't want to look foolish. Trust me, I relate. So much done is better than perfect. Keep taking those tiny steps every single day in the direction of your big goal, in the direction of your little goal, in the direction of any goal that you have. Take small, calculated steps every single day and one day you're gonna wake up in the middle of it all and you're gonna be like, Holy crap, I did it.

Debbie DeBerry: 26:41
I hope that you got something out of this episode and I hope that you will think about your stories and what you're telling yourself. And how your holding yourself back the steps to how to flip houses are all over the place, out on the internet. That's not what's holding you back. What's holding you back is what you're telling yourself, period. All right , loves. Here's the thing. If you need to process this with somebody seriously by me, I'm happy to talk about this stuff with you. I love talking about this stuff. Actually. I love to connect with people on a much deeper level like that. I have so many stories that I can share. So many stories that I tell myself. So many stories that I've had to change and flip and I'm still working on them. We're never completely over them, so don't have that as the barometer to where you are and how successful you are. It doesn't mean anything if you still are struggling because all of these things will continue to come up. We just acknowledge them, accept them for what they are and change the story. It's as simple and as challenging as that. All right , so if you are finding value in this little podcast of ours, would you please leave a rating and review and subscribe wherever you listen, because that will help me reach more like-minded women and help me have a bigger impact and spread the love and encouragement and empowerment that my mom gave me. If you aren't already, follow that flip and I'll see you on the next episode. All right. Go out there. Flip houses like a girl. Leave people and places better than you find them and make it a great day.