July 2, 2020

Stop Looking for Your Purpose - Do THIS Instead


At some point in your life, have you been caught up in the hoopla of "finding your purpose?" I know I spent all of my 20s in that search mode, and it sucked.

The notion that we should be searching for this ever-illusive and non-existent singular purpose is toxic.

There. is. no. such. thing.

And we're shaming ourselves because we haven't found "it." And we're shaming ourselves because we changed our minds about what "it" is. And we're shaming ourselves trying to live up to this unrealistic expectation that until we find "it" we are living unfulfilled, meaningless lives.

F that noise. This mentality has to end.

Instead of finding your purpose (that doesn't exist in the way self-help gurus tell us it does), I've got 3 simple, alternative steps you can take NOW to find some direction in your life.

GOODIES

1. Get on the waitlist for the #1 House Flipping Coaching Program & Community for Women

2. Follow That Flip! Follow this 8-part video series as we flip a house! 

3. Our goal is to hit 250 reviews and spread the good word about this podcast as quickly as possible! If you are getting value out of this podcast will you kindly leave us a rating and review? Help us spread our message!

4. Continue the house flipping conversation in our free Women Flipping Houses Facebook group

Transcript

Intro  00:01
You're listening to the flip houses like a girl podcast where we educate, empower and celebrate everyday women who are facing their fears, juggling family and business, embracing their awesomeness and wholeheartedly chasing their dream of flipping houses. Each episode delivers honest to goodness tools, tips and strategies you can implement today to get closer to your first or next successful house flip. Here's your spiky haired breakfast taco loving host house flipping coach, Debbie DeBerry.

Debbie DeBerry 00:38
Hey, what's up, I hope you're having a super easy day. And whatever you're up to today, I hope you're enjoying it. Thank you for taking a little bit time out of your day to hang out with me on this little awesome podcast of ours. So glad you're here. All right. So I am going to dig into why. For crying out loud, you have got to stop looking for or trying to find your purpose. All right, but first, we are having some, like just incredible wins. And I feel like I say that every time because I do. Inside my coaching program. We are seeing purchases, sales, rentals, flips, like so much is happening. And here's the deal. Even the small wins along the way, are freaking life changing, it doesn't have to be a massive win. What you'll learn, if you haven't already, is that when you're chasing after a big goal, you have to have the little ones along the way, first of all, and second of all, those little ones along the way, are actually really big, because they keep you going right? So I want to invite you to join the waitlist. If you are not on the waitlist, get on the waitlist for my program. If you are super serious about flipping your first or next house within the next three to 12 months, you need to get on the waitlist and get inside the program. All right. It's freaking awesome. And it's a community like no other. Okay. All right. So go to first flip dunrite.com. And if you've already flipped a house, this is still totally applicable. If you have flipped a house or two or whatever, and you're leaving money on the table, you need to be inside this program. Because I'm the queen of efficiency. And I teach you how to run a project way more efficiently, how to squeeze more profit out, and how to have more fun in your business. That's why we're here to have fun. All right, so let's get into today's episode, which I think is really important. And it happens to be a super hot button for me. And I'll tell you why. So here's the thing, I hear a lot of people say that they're trying to find their passion, or they're looking for their passion or searching for their passion. And it's as if they feel like once they find their passion, they're going to be happy. And they're going to be content, and they're going to feel like their life has meaning. And I'm here to tell you, that is an awful way to live. Because if you are constantly searching for something you think is missing in your life, you're not going to be happy. There is no way you can be happy if you feel like your life as it is is not happy and is not fulfilling and that you exactly as you are aren't enough. And how do I know that? Because I spent years years thinking about this same exact thing. What's my passion? Oh my gosh, my early 20s and even late 20s I was obsessed with it, right? Because we hear about it blogs, courses, coaches, like all over the place. They're claiming that we each have like this one perfect reason for existing. And we need to lock ourselves in a room basically, until we find that thing because until we find that thing. Our lives are meaningless and we there's no way we can ever be happy. But once we do, once we find that purpose, that passion, then everything will make perfect sense. And everything will align perfectly, and we will be 100% fulfilled.

And this type of thinking is a huge problem and it needs to be addressed. So, here are three reasons why you should absolutely stop trying to find your purpose, and stop telling your kids to find their purpose and your friends to find their purpose. It's all a lie. All right, here are three reasons why. Number one, it's a myth. Straight up myth, the biggest issue I have with the idea of a life purpose is that most people are never going to find it, at least not the way that they think they will. And what a massive disappointment, right? Like, how incredibly disappointing to feel like you are missing this big, magical thing that we're all supposed to, quote unquote, have. So telling someone that there's only one perfect thing that they were put on this earth to do is like telling them that there's only one perfect person for them, and then asking them to fall in love before the first date. Like it doesn't make sense. There is no one perfect thing. There's only the best thing right now. You're going to drive yourself absolutely crazy trying to think on a scale any larger than that right now. What are you curious about? Go do that. Period. That's your freakin purpose. The idea of this big purpose or reason why we're here in this one lifetime, came about probably as a way to comfort ourselves into thinking that there actually is this big reason why we're here. And we aren't just here just to be here. What's not confusing is a little bit confusing. rewind it and listen to it again, it makes perfect sense, I promise. But honestly, you being here, that alone is good enough. Like you're here, boom, there's a reason you are here. When we tell people that they need a purpose, in order to be fulfilled, it makes them feel empty, until they have found it. And they are not going to find it because it doesn't exist. We're all somehow we got on this train of searching for this purpose. And it's really freaking heavy man. And I teach my son, even he, he's 10. And I hear him talking about it. And I'm like, No, sir. We're not talking about purpose in that way. That's not what we're doing. We're not striving for some one elusive thing that we're here to do. That's not the point. That is not the journey that we're on, in my opinion. So this is why it's such a pervasive myth. In the self improvement industry, all right. And guess what? It's also an effective marketing tactic, isn't it? Right, if you're broken, if whoever is writing the book, saying you're broken, you need my book in order to be fixed. Are you going to buy the book? Probably. But if they told you, hey, you're not broken, this book will fix you even though you're not broken. You're not going to buy the book. All right. Think about it. You're not broken, by the way. Okay, so, um, personally, I felt incomplete for a long time. Like, honestly, my 20s I spent thinking about, like, constantly thinking about what's my purpose, what am I here to do? Because why do we do that? We do that because we actually care and we do want to Have a life of meaning. Ultimately, we want to look back and think, okay, yeah, my life had meaning. That's why we think we need to search for this big pie in the sky purpose. However, there are several studies showing that trying too hard to be happy, can actually make you quite unhappy. And I've seen that same thing in people who are on this quest to find their purpose. Honestly, that searching, hunting, questing, just makes us feel worse. And that's the opposite of what we want. Alright, so that brings me to the second point. So the second issue I have is, it's counterproductive. Even if there was one perfect thing for you, it would be counterproductive to spend time just thinking about it. If you're waiting for purpose to show up in your life, you are wasting your time because you're just sitting there waiting. So when I look back at all the time I spent trying to find my purpose, I guarantee you 100% of that time would have been better spent actually taking action, instead of sitting and thinking about, what should I be doing? Go do that's what you should be doing, you should just go do, go do the things you're curious about doing. Go do the things that bring you joy. Go do the things that add value to other people. Go serve people. That is your purpose in my mind. It doesn't just hit you over the head one day, you've got to put yourself out there and you've got to go do the things. This can be interchangeable with passion. So I think purpose and passion are pretty interchangeable terms. And we're hearing more passion lately, then purpose in my 20s, it was a lot of purpose. And lately in my not 20s it's been a lot more about passion. And look, the notion of both. I am totally behind, like what the notion of those words are like I love those words. But it's the it's this quest that we think we're on to find that ultimate thing that we're supposed to be doing. That's the danger zone, in my mind. So here's the deal. If you were trying to figure out how to let's say you're lost in the woods, and you're trying to get out, you came to an intersection, what would you do? Would you sit down on a stump and and look at the first 10 feet of each path? No, you'd probably choose the path that felt best and go down that knowing that you could always change course, once you got deeper down that path and gathered more information, you can always change course, just because you choose one thing to do. And one thing to go after, it doesn't mean you're stuck doing that. That is such an archaic way of thinking about things. You can always change course, I give you full permission to change course. Okay? Give yourself that full permission. It's okay. It doesn't mean anything bad. All right. The third beef I have with this whole find your purpose, find your passion. notion is that it's static. And we are not static people. Our thinking is not static. The one perfect thing. paradigm is incredibly limiting. Why? Because it doesn't take into account the rest of the world. And it doesn't take into account the fact that we are thinking human beings and we see new things that pique our interest, and that's okay. Your path is going to change. You are going to change. what is required of you is going to change. Here's the deal. If you are listening to this because you want to flip a house and you haven't flipped a house yet. The person you are right now is not the same person you're going to be when you actually flip the house. You can't possibly be the same person, or else you would have already done it, you are going to be a different person. When you finally, actually get into the middle of your first flip, you're not going to be the same person you are right now, you can't be. Right. The stronger you stand behind a purpose, the more rigid you become. And I don't know, I just would much rather be open and flexible, and willing to let my attention get distracted, letting myself get distracted by things that come along. that interests me, man, that's exciting to me. I love learning. I'm a sponge, and I love trying new things. I love seeing what I can do. I love it. There's no way that I can do one thing for the rest of my life, that that's completely boring. That's why I love flipping houses. because no two houses are the same. They're constant puzzles to solve. I love that part.

Trying to think about your purpose as a 20 something year old is ludicrous. And I know that because I did it. But most people get scared or forced into boxing themselves into this career path, which is just crazy. All right, all of that's great. And find me. So you're telling me that there's no such thing as purpose or passion. And you're living in some weird lala land. And now I have absolute no meaning in my life. Okay, so that is not at all the intention of this specific episode. This is actually supposed to take some of that pressure off of you and give you permission to stop thinking so single mindedly and so rigidly about what you're supposed to be doing. So I'm going to offer you an alternative way of going about this whole thing called life. Okay. So instead of searching for your purpose, do these three things. All right. The first thing, determine what you're curious about. What interests you? Are you interested in flipping houses? Are you really curious about it? It's like, Oh, my God, I really have to try that thing. Great. Try that thing. If you're not, then don't. All right. It's as simple as that. Rule number one, determine what you're curious about. And go follow those go chase your curiosities. If you've heard me say that before. It's one of my favorite things. Chase your curiosities. Okay, that's step one. Easy peasy, right? Step two, cultivate What brings you joy. No, don't follow your passion. That tends to stress me out the same way that the whole purpose word does. Write down some activities or topics that make you excited and make you feel happy thinking about them, or studying them, or imagining doing them. Alright. So that's it. The first thing, write down what you're curious about the second thing write down what brings you joy. All right, step number three. Focus on serving others.

Do something that adds value to other people's lives. That's it. It is literally as simple as those three things. Okay. One, chase your curiosities to find what brings you joy and do those things. Three, focus on serving other people. That's it. That's what we're here to do. We're not here to live this life where we do one thing, one purpose, one passion. That's not why we're here. We're here to serve others. We're here to have a freaking fun time. And we're here to chase our curiosities and have fun. That's it. So if you want to do all those things with us inside my awesome coaching program, and sisterhood, we're building this amazing community across the US do it All right, join our waitlist. And once there are some spots available, you will be notified. All right. So go to first flip dunrite.com join the waitlist. Listen to some more podcast episodes, let me know in the reviews, if this is instilling in you that you absolutely can do this because if you want to have an amazing, impactful profitable house flipping business, guess what sister? You freaking can, period.

Everyday women are doing this across the US you absolutely can. Alright, that's it for now. Go out there flip houses like a girl. Leave people in places better than you find them and make it a great day. Bye, y'all.