Feb. 26, 2020

Why Your Spouse Doesn't Support Your House Flipping Dreams

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Since your passion is core to who you are, it's hurtful when your spouse doesn't support your house flipping dreams. 

So, do you let it stop you or do you continue on your path and hope for the best? First, you need to take a good hard look in the mirror and have some honest conversations with yourself and your significant other. 

Tune in to learn:

  • 2 reasons why your spouse/partner doesn't support you
  • What it means about them?
  • What it means about you?
  • 7 steps to not let them kill your dreams


1. Learn how to work with Debbie and her Tribe and get your First Flip Done Right™
2. Follow That Flip! Follow me and 2 local students as we flip a house together!   
3. Learn more about Debbie DeBerry | The Flipstress
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5. Continue the house flipping conversation in our free Women Flipping Houses Facebook group


Intro  00:01
You're listening to the flip houses like a girl podcast where we educate, empower and celebrate everyday women who are facing their fears, juggling family and business, embracing their awesomeness and wholeheartedly chasing their dream of flipping houses. Each episode delivers honest to goodness tools, tips and strategies you can implement today to get closer to your first or next successful house flip. Here's your spiky haired breakfast taco loving host house flipping Coach Debbie DeBerry? 

Debbie DeBerry 00:37
Hey, what's up, you guys, it's Debbie DeBerry here. And I hope that whatever you're up to today, you're having an easy one. And a fun one. How about that?

Alright, so I want to talk today about something that comes up quite a bit on calls that I have with people as well as in my facebook group. So this topic is, it's one of those that people don't love to talk about, it doesn't feel good. So let's say that you're really excited about this business venture, whatever it is, let's say it's, for the sake of the show, Debbie, let's say it's flipping houses, okay? You decide you want to go all in, you're so excited about the freedom, and the financial rewards, and the impact you can make on your community in all of those things, right? The creative expression, you're so excited about what you see this business being for you. And you go run and tell your significant other or your spouse. And it's crickets, you get nothing. Well, you don't get support, maybe you don't get nothing, but you don't get support. Man, that's a bad feeling. Really bad feeling.

So let's talk about how to handle your spouse not being on board at all. With your decision to flip houses, or whatever business venture you're excited about. Building a business is no easy task. It requires sacrifice and time. And it's not uncommon to work more hours in a business, then maybe you previously did in a job, especially a newer business, right? Until you get systems and processes in place that can take you away from the business, um, you have a goal and a vision for what you're building. And you're creating a structure that gives you freedom and financial security and makes an impact, right, that's what we're here to do make an impact in the lives of those your business serves. I mean, who can't get behind that?

I don't know, honestly. But really, along the way, you're going to need support support is a huge factor in the success or failure of a business, who you surround yourself with has a direct impact on how inspired, motivated and productive you'll be. Even more so is the romantic relationship in your life, the person you'll probably spend the most amount of time with can either help or hurt your efforts to build your business. A supportive partner can help fill in the gaps, they can call you out and be a sounding board. They can even have more direct involvement in the business. Maybe they have skills that complement yours, which can help to grow the business. You can take that a step farther and build a business with the love of your life. You can totally do this. But then there's the flip side, no pun intended, cracked myself up.

There are many entrepreneurs building businesses, while also dealing with a partner who is not supportive. And in that scenario, every move you make can feel like your feet are trying to move in quicksand. It's not easy. You're constantly hearing negative things that might be eating away at your mindset. If there's anything that's number one in this business, or any business venture, it's mindset. Maybe they're being subtle about it, or maybe they're being really loud about it. I wanted to do this episode today because so many entrepreneurs give up their dreams because of the External voice of their loved one. Sometimes the road to success requires you to be selfish. I get it, that doesn't feel good. Oh, well, the road to serenity sometimes requires you to live in a state of uncertainty. And sometimes you just have to accept that no matter how you explain your reason for quitting your secure job to run your own business, it will never be understood. And the sooner you understand that fact, the sooner you will be able to create room for your business to grow. So entrepreneurs are risk takers, that's just part of it. You have to be a risk taker in order to go into business for yourself. The majority of this world, not risk takers. They understand having a nine to five job. They understand the security of that paycheck. Every other week. They understand how many vacation days they get this year, and maybe in a few years, it'll bump up. That's what comforts them is the security. We do not have that as entrepreneurs. The first thing you need to get clear on when you hear your spouse or significant other yukking, you're young, basically, I love that saying so much. I learned it when I was training with a nonprofit here in Austin. Gosh, maybe 15 years ago or so. It was a youth nonprofit. And one of the things that they teach you in your orientation is to not yuck, the young of someone else. And I love that it's so beautiful, right? It's perfect. Don't yuck my yum. Meaning if I love apples, don't tell me they're disgusting. And I'm crazy for liking them. Or if I want to flip houses. Don't tell me I'm a nutjob for wanting to do. So don't yuck my yum. All right. So when your significant other young, you're young, you need to stop and ask yourself, who does this benefit? Is the person young, you're young, or giving you advice? Are they trying to get you to stop chasing your dreams of entrepreneurship, because of their own insecurities, and their own fear of failure, or their own version of risk? Or is it really truly for your benefit? Because I'm going to say that 9.9 times out of 10, it is not about you, and it is entirely about them and their fears. So let's explore what I mean by it being about them. And then we'll get to what I mean by it being about you. Because that's it, those are the two things that it can be about. It's about either them, or it's about you. And to be clear, the only way you can get understanding around this is by having a very open and honest conversation with your partner, I'm just going to say partner from now on because I'm sick of saying spouse or significant other. And I think partner is all encompassing. So have a very honest and open conversation with your partner, you've got to be able to tell them exactly how you're feeling. You've got to be transparent with them. And in return, they need to be the same with you. It's not a one way street, they have to be willing to be open and honest and vulnerable with you some examples of what it will look like if it's about them are are they just super averse to risk? Are they really scared that if you screw up and make a mistake, it's going to look bad on them, that they are going to look bad to your friends and family?

Do they just not know how much risk can be mitigated? And how you're going to go about doing so? Are they just uneducated about the whole entire process? And how you're going to protect yourself and your family and your assets? Are they worried about the amount of time that they're going to lose with you? Because maybe you've been around like 24 seven, maybe you've been available anytime they wanted you to be there you were there. Or maybe you've have a regular state punch the clock nine to five you're in, you're out. And then other hours you're with your partner. Those are big reasons why you might get some pushback. Now, let's talk about some ways that it's about you, and how you've been showing up in your life and in, in your life and in your relationship. So if you have had a history of, or maybe you've done it once, maybe you've done it a lot of times, of making a lot of promises to your partner about how things will look financially, let's say you jump from business idea to business idea. And it's, you know, I'm going to make X amount of money by certain date, or I'm going to replace my income from the job, I'm quitting. Or I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do that. But then you don't actually follow through. So yeah, your partner, especially if they were charged with, you know, bearing the burden of keeping your family afloat financially or keeping you to afloat financially, then yeah, they've probably lost some trust in you, that can be a really difficult thing to deal with. Because look, Money makes people crazy. It's the root of all kinds of arguments. And if you fail to actually deliver on what you said you were going to do, when it comes to money, that can cause a lot of problems.

Think about it like this, if you made those same promises to a bank and you didn't follow through, they'd be upset to the bank expects you to deliver, and so does your partner. Yes, your partner is going to be more willing to forgive you, hopefully, than a bank. But it still all boils down to doing what you said you would do. And if this sounds familiar, right, if this resonates with you, if you're guilty of this, I mean, I think we all are, it's okay, it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't mean you can't be successful, it doesn't mean you shouldn't go after your dreams, it just means Look, your partner is having a hard time trusting you, because you haven't followed through and things before. That's it. So what's the best way to apologize? I tell my nine year old son oh my gosh, he'll soon be 10 that freaks me out. I can't believe it.

Um, I tell my son this all the time, because he'll do something and then immediately apologize. And I say, okay, buddy, how do you show somebody that you're really sorry? And the answer is by changing your behavior. Right. So the best apology to anyone about anything, is changing the behavior that was offensive in the first place. So if you have a history of not following through, yeah, I'd be annoyed by that too. Honestly, just as a friend, that would annoy the heck out of me. So start following through on things. All you have is your word. And another way that it could be about you is that maybe you have a history of putting blinders on. And only working on the business. Yes, it will absolutely take time. But it doesn't have to take all of your time. And frankly, I hope you're building a business that has balance. And that's why well, Well, one reason why you want to be in business for yourself is for the balance. Because that 24 seven hustle mindset will kill you slowly. Let's not do that. Let's build a business instead of a 24. Seven, hustle job, look, build your business in the time you need. But be sure to continue to go on dates with your partner and spend time doing non business stuff. All right, so whether it's about them, or it's about you, I want to share a few steps with you to stop allowing your partner to kill your dream. First, you need to do less talking and more action. Like I said earlier words mean nothing without corresponding action. Show them what you're doing. Show them why you're doing it. Show them your business plan. Show them the numbers on the deal that you're looking at or that you're flipping or whatever show Show them the numbers. Keep them involved. Everyone wants to feel included. All right. So number two, don't hide what you're doing. Maybe you choose to share, like once a week, what's going on in your business? What's going on in your project? where you are in your business? What you're excited about to share? Okay, number two, everyone wants to feel included. Thirdly, let your spouse help. What skills do they have that could really add value to your business? We are not personally and solely capable of fulfilling all of the roles of the business by ourselves 100% perfectly, nobody can do that. And this is a relationship business. So if your spouse can fill one of those roles really beautifully, do it, bring them on board that gets their buy in more than anything. So what skills do they have? What skills do they want to grow, invite them in. Maybe they're an accountant, let them do your books. The next one is don't be a seminar junkie, if there's something that turns off a partner, more than anything, it's about hearing about the latest quick fix, or the next strategy you're looking into.

Or I'm going to do this now pick one thing, this is one of the biggest mistakes that new investors make. They hop around from strategy to strategy chasing the profits. instead of actually doing what it is they want to do. Look, if you want to wholesale houses go wholesale houses, but you don't need wholesale houses before you flip houses. That's a waste of time. flip houses, if you want to flip houses. If your partner sees you going from seminar to seminar, book to book and not actually doing something with it, I would get really annoyed too. It's super frustrating to see somebody just spinning their wheels, and not actually committing and going all in on one thing. niched down, decide what it is you want to focus on, and do it.

Next, share that vision, paint the picture that you see for yourself and your family in the next year, and the next three years, and then five years out, share that vision with them. You definitely do not want to put your loved one down. So do not wrong them for their opinions. Don't be negative, you've got to understand they love you. Ultimately, they love you. And also their human having a very human experience, which means they have insecurities. So when they say something that you don't like, just listen, all right, take a deep breath, count to three, and then respond.

Lastly, focus on how good it's going to feel. When your partner does support you. It's easy to call them names. And it's easy to wrong them and blame them and make them the reason why you aren't doing what you want to do. You're a grown up though, and you get to choose to focus instead on how great it's going to be when they are supporting you. And I urge you to never give up on what you know, is right for your life. And the best relationship is when two people come together, and they agree to basically build a life and an empire together in every way, whatever that looks like in means to them. healthy relationships are when both partners can truly be who they are. And if you have to be somebody you're not. In order to be with that person. You're going to have a hard relationship. And that's a really big sacrifice for your life. My mom always signed cards to me with this line. Just be Debbie. That was the best gift of all, just be you. You have my permission to just be who you are. And if your partner loves you, they'll accept that and fall in love with you even more Because who is not attracted to somebody on fire with passion? I don't know anybody who could fit into that category. Don't give up on your dreams. All right? Do what makes sense for your life and your business.

Your partner shouldn't try to get you to give up on what lights you up. That's not a partner. You absolutely can build a life and business that helps you get everything you want in your life. Your partner doesn't have to be jumping for joy, but outright hating on what you're trying to do. That's not okay. You absolutely can build a life of business that hopefully lights you up and gives you everything you want and more. You have no idea what's available for you. You have no idea what's waiting for you. But it will cost you to get uncomfortable. Yeah, we've got to get uncomfortable to get what we want. All right, you guys. If you're getting any value out of this little podcast of ours, Would you do me a huge favor and help me reach more like minded women like you? Because at the end of the day, my goal is to educate, encourage and empower women to chase their house flipping dreams. So wherever you listen to podcasts, if you leave me a rating and a review, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much for allowing me to have some of your time and share this space with you. All right, you guys go out there. flip houses like a girl. Leave people in places better than you find them and make it a great day. Bye, y'all.